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WE'VE SAVED ENOUGH MONEY
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Darling, we ve finally saved enough to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
"You mean a brand new Jaguar?" she asked eagerly.
"No," he replied, "a 1979 Jaguar."
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Darling, we ve finally saved enough to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
"You mean a brand new Jaguar?" she asked eagerly.
"No," he replied, "a 1979 Jaguar."
YOUR HORSE CALLED LAST NIGHT
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she said, furious. "You d better have an explanation."
"Calm down, dear," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I backed."
The next morning, his wife whacked him again. "What was that for?" he groaned.
"Your horse called last night," she said.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she said, furious. "You d better have an explanation."
"Calm down, dear," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the races? That was the name of the horse I backed."
The next morning, his wife whacked him again. "What was that for?" he groaned.
"Your horse called last night," she said.
RELATIVES ?
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
HOW TO BUY A PRESENT?
A man walked into a department store and told an assistant he d like to buy a present for his wife.
"Certainly, sir," replied the assistant. "Perhaps a dress or a blouse?"
"Anything," said the man.
"And in what colour?"
"It doesn t matter."
"Size?"
"Immaterial."
Seeing the assistant s confusion, the man explained that whenever he bought his wife something she would always take it back to the shop and exchange it.
A man walked into a department store and told an assistant he d like to buy a present for his wife.
"Certainly, sir," replied the assistant. "Perhaps a dress or a blouse?"
"Anything," said the man.
"And in what colour?"
"It doesn t matter."
"Size?"
"Immaterial."
Seeing the assistant s confusion, the man explained that whenever he bought his wife something she would always take it back to the shop and exchange it.
DRUNK
Bob visited his friend Joe s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He told her several times how attractive she was, complimented her on her culinary skills and showered her with hugs and kisses.
"Gee," Bob remarked to his friend, "you really make a big fuss over your wife."
"I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage, and we couldn t be happier."
Inspired by Joe s story, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife, told her how much he loved her, and said he wanted to hear all about her day. Instead she burst into tears.
Bob visited his friend Joe s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He told her several times how attractive she was, complimented her on her culinary skills and showered her with hugs and kisses.
"Gee," Bob remarked to his friend, "you really make a big fuss over your wife."
"I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage, and we couldn t be happier."
Inspired by Joe s story, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife, told her how much he loved her, and said he wanted to hear all about her day. Instead she burst into tears.
A NEW MACHINE
The doctor asked the expectant father to try out a machine he had invented that transferred labour pains from the mother to the father. Billy agreed and the machine was set up. But although it was set to its highest setting, Billy felt not
a twinge.
Later that day he went home to pick up a few items his wife wanted and discovered the milkman lying on his door step groaning in pain.
The doctor asked the expectant father to try out a machine he had invented that transferred labour pains from the mother to the father. Billy agreed and the machine was set up. But although it was set to its highest setting, Billy felt not
a twinge.
Later that day he went home to pick up a few items his wife wanted and discovered the milkman lying on his door step groaning in pain.
DUMMY HUSBAND
A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"
"I d love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to a McDonald s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?"
"I d love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Off to a McDonald s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
WHERE'S THE SHOE?
One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
THE NEIGHBORS CAN NOT SEE YOU
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
A HUSBAND WHO NEVER FEELS ASHAMED
"I m ashamed of the way we live," a young wife says to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I m just so ashamed."
The husband rolls over on the couch. "And you damn well should be," he agrees. "Those two worthless brothers of yours ain t never give us a cent!"
"I m ashamed of the way we live," a young wife says to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I m just so ashamed."
The husband rolls over on the couch. "And you damn well should be," he agrees. "Those two worthless brothers of yours ain t never give us a cent!"
THEY HAD NO PRIVACY
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
HOW TO LIVE?
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"
Thành phố nhỏ yên tĩnh và xinh đẹp, hai người yêu đắm say, mỗi bình minh đều đến bờ biển ngắm mặt trời mọc, và mỗi chiều đi tiễn bóng tà dương ở bãi cát. Dường như những ai đã gặp đôi tình nhân đều nhìn theo với ánh mắt ngưỡng mộ.Một ngày, sau vụ đâm xe, cô gái trọng thương im lìm nằm lại trên chiếc giường bệnh viện, mấy ngày đêm không tỉnh lại.
Buổi sáng, chàng trai ngồi bên giường tuyệt vọng gọi tên người yêu đang vô tri vô giác, đêm xuống, chàng trai tới quỳ trong giáo đường nhỏ của thành phố, ngước lên thượng đế cầu xin, mắt không còn lệ để khóc than.
